Oh the dilemma…

(seen just as I logged in to Aetna to check some stuff about my medical benefits)

I’m a die-hard Apple nut. Love the products etc. Unfortunately the Apple Store “Genius Bar” experience is about as productive as putting one’s hands in a blender. Seriously.

I have a SIMPLE repair to my MacBook Pro. Something that requires the ordering of a part and quick swap-out. The “Genius” sorry, I can’t call them that… The “Idiot” tells me that it requires me to turn my machine in for 7-10 days. WTF?!

I understand that it takes a few days for the part to arrive (really it arrives next day) so I told the Idiot to order the part and then call me when it gets in. I’ll then bring my machine in, they can do the repair in the back, and I’ll have it back, fixed and all, in a matter of hours. NOT DAYS! The Idiot says that it doesn’t work that way. Even if they order the part, they’ll still need to keep my machine for 7-10 days.

WTF?! Does the monkey in the back take off one screw a day? Seriously…

I called an independent repair shop- CompuTech and they were more than awesome. Took my machine in, showed them what’s wrong and they:
a. are fixing it under warranty, so no charge to me;
b. are going to order the part and will call me when the part arrives (overnight) and a tech is available (about 1-2 days);
c. are going to fix my machine while I wait- 1-2h max!

No 7-10 days bullcrap. Just plain easy and efficient.

Now… Steve, Ron, Tim… if you’re reading this (and trust me, I’ll make sure you’re reading this)… you guys REALLY need to fix this. You bill your Apple Store as the Ultimate Apple Experience and somehow it’s really the most painful part. Your “Geniuses” are absolute assholes and completely useless. I’ll bet they don’t know what 0+0 adds up to. Seriously… where the HELL IS COMMON SENSE?!

7-10 business days is bullcrap. Even with the the ‘order the part and I’ll bring my machine in’ option!

We all know what happens where on the 8th of August 2008- the Olympics kick off in Beijing, China.

We all know how I feel about thems- they are scumbag snakes!

We all know why I feel that way- amongst everything else, because they are occupying Tibet.

So, starting 08-08-08, I’m going to post up one entry a day that:
1. Tells those scumbags to get out of Tibet; and
2. Tells them that they are fuckwads; and
3. Tells them that they are destroying the planet; and
4. Tells them that “the party” is probably the worst thing to happen to them and the planet.

That’s it really. I don’t hate all them Chinese. Just the ones who are responsible for the disaster out East. And the ones who aren’t doing anything about it.

So:
1. FREE TIBET
2. FUCK CHINA
3. GET OFF THE PLANET
4. COMMUNISM IS DEAD!

Oh, and here’s what my MacBook Pro has to say about it:

My 2.6Ghz 15″ MacBook Pro arrived. I’m finally gonna do what I recommend to everyone else- switch to a Mac!

eCards. NEVER EVER FUCKING SEND ME ONE!

I don’t open them because I don’t want to see some cheesy cheap-ass clipart dancing to some annoying MIDI music. Write me a note and email it. It’s more personal. Or just don’t do anything.

So you love Facebook/MySpace/Friendster/WhateverTheHell. You’re cataloging your life there. You upload photos, write captions, write witty messages on everyone’s pages, share clipart (seriously??!!), poke each other, thank others for the add, etc. Well, guess what… you are all suckers. Here’s why.

When was the last time you read their Terms of Service? You know, that little link in 6 point text at the bottom. Here, to make your life easier, I’m linking to the Terms of the popular sites:

Facebook: Terms of Use
MySpace: Terms and Conditions
YouTube: Terms of Use

What am I drawing your attention to and why am I calling you suckers? If you read those nice legally worded pages, you’ll often find that anything you upload/say/share becomes the property of the site that it’s on and they can do whatever the hell they want with it- they own the rights to it all! So, those lovely headshots, those wild drunken photos, super cute photos of your baby/nephew/niece/dog, that poem dedicated to the Starbucks barista… that’s ALL their property. Sure, they say that once you delete it that the agreement expires, but they again cover their butts by saying that it might exist in a backup. So, deleting isn’t permanent. Still don’t believe me. Here, a few snippings (and any emphases will be mine):

Facebook

§ User Content Posted on the Site
¶ 2 When you post User Content to the Site, you authorize and direct us to make such copies thereof as we deem necessary in order to facilitate the posting and storage of the User Content on the Site. By posting User Content to any part of the Site, you automatically grant, and you represent and warrant that you have the right to grant, to the Company an irrevocable, perpetual, non-exclusive, transferable, fully paid, worldwide license (with the right to sublicense) to use, copy, publicly perform, publicly display, reformat, translate, excerpt (in whole or in part) and distribute such User Content for any purpose on or in connection with the Site or the promotion thereof, to prepare derivative works of, or incorporate into other works, such User Content, and to grant and authorize sublicenses of the foregoing. You may remove your User Content from the Site at any time. If you choose to remove your User Content, the license granted above will automatically expire, however you acknowledge that the Company may retain archived copies of your User Content.

MySpace

§ 6. Proprietary Rights in Content on MySpace.com.
¶ 2 MySpace.com does not claim any ownership rights in the text, files, images, photos, video, sounds, musical works, works of authorship, or any other materials (collectively, “Content”) that you post to the MySpace Services. After posting your Content to the MySpace Services, you continue to retain all ownership rights in such Content, and you continue to have the right to use your Content in any way you choose. By displaying or publishing (”posting”) any Content on or through the MySpace Services, you hereby grant to MySpace.com a limited license to use, modify, publicly perform, publicly display, reproduce, and distribute such Content solely on and through the MySpace Services.

YouTube

§ 6. Your User Submissions and Conduct
¶ C. For clarity, you retain all of your ownership rights in your User Submissions. However, by submitting User Submissions to YouTube, you hereby grant YouTube a worldwide, non-exclusive, royalty-free, sublicenseable and transferable license to use, reproduce, distribute, prepare derivative works of, display, and perform the User Submissions in connection with the YouTube Website and YouTube’s (and its successors’ and affiliates’) business, including without limitation for promoting and redistributing part or all of the YouTube Website (and derivative works thereof) in any media formats and through any media channels. You also hereby grant each user of the YouTube Website a non-exclusive license to access your User Submissions through the Website, and to use, reproduce, distribute, display and perform such User Submissions as permitted through the functionality of the Website and under these Terms of Service. The above licenses granted by you in User Videos terminate within a commercially reasonable time after you remove or delete your User Videos from the YouTube Service. You understand and agree, however, that YouTube may retain, but not display, distribute, or perform, server copies of User Submissions that have been removed or deleted. The above licenses granted by you in User Comments are perpetual and irrevocable.

So, there you have it. Fun eh?

That’s why you will never find photos, videos, or anything worthwhile by me on any of these sites. Sorry, but I value my works and I’m not about to piss the rights away to some assclown in Silicon Valley. Sure the sites have a purpose- to waste my time by letting me know that someone is “smelling like roses after a shower”- and that’s all well and good but does it have a point/purpose beyond that? People at Fox seem to believe so (by paying $580mn for MySpace) and people at Google seem to believe so too (by paying $1.65bn for YouTube) and apparently people at Microsoft want to believe too (based on speculation that they’ll invest $300-$500mn for 10% of Facebook).

I say no.

The crew at RPA launched an all-new Honda Automobiles site this past week. What a beast of an effort.

Joost has now given beta testers (aka yours truly) unlimited invites. Leave your name and email address in a comment and I’ll invite you.

Press release after the jump.
(more…)

Rick IMed me the link to the new Volkswagen site earlier today. Check it out for yourself. It’s slick, it’s cool, it’s gimmicky, it’s nicely designed, the icons are cute, the images are awesome, Michael Newman says the Flash is “crazy” and remarked “wow a tag cloud” and then said “i like it [...] cool icons [...] it’s very apple”.

Sounds all good and looks all good. But then you dig deeper. Mike Margolin dug deeper and we really began seeing the holes. The big honking Search box is a fantastic concept, but falls flat on its face. Try entering your ZIP code in it. It returns

HMM, YOUR SEARCH FOR [My ZIP] HAS NO RESULTS.

WE’RE NOT SAYING IT DOESN’T EXIST, BUT YOU MAY WANT TO CHECK THE SPELLING. NOT THAT YOU’RE A BAD SPELLER. JUST TRY A SIMILAR TOPIC.

Why couldn’t it just give the closest dealer?

Then, go to the Find a Dealer. The Yahoo! Flash map is hot, and when I zoom into where I live, I see no dealers. To see the dealers, I’m required to enter my ZIP code to find dealers. Why? Isn’t it enough that I’ve found where I am on this map for the site to tell me where the dealers are around me?

Mike said it best when he said something to the effect of “This site is cool. It’s all cool. It’s exactly something that a cool, creative-type agency would put out. An agency that doesn’t understand usability and website user experience. And most importantly, an agency that doesn’t understand how to use the web to sell effectively.”

So, cool site, gimmicky, and slick. But effective and useful? I think not.